A little while ago my sweet friend Lauren suggested on her blog to go look at the Taylor family's blog. If you haven't read their blog, I recommend it. (Go here
http://aniandmatttaylor.blogspot.com/ and grab some tissue's.)
Every once in a while your heart gets touched in ways that are so humbling and brings you to tears. After reading their story I didn't feel so bad about my constantly messy house. All my projects are half done. My dishes get piled in the sink, and my laundry is never ending with unfolded piles in my closet. (Ok, so it's not this bad. But you get the point.)
I just can't seem to step away from my sweet daughter for long enough to finish anything. I feel like I'm going to miss something special, which too me is everything she does. I don't think in twenty years I'm going to look back and wish I had kept my house better picked up. I do think though, I'll look back, grateful that I was able to spend time with my daughter and watch her grow.(If you want to know what I do all day, this is it.)
Now, I'm not a perfect mom by any means, but I can tell you that after reading their blog it reminds me of our eternal perspective. I don't even know the Taylor family, but my heart aches for them. Isn't it amazing how even when we don't know someone we still cry for them, laugh with them, care for them, love them. Everyone is our brother and sister and I think God instills in us that love for everyone. What a blessing it is to know the truth. That we can have eternal families and that passing from this world is just part of God's plan. In the eternal perspective life is so short. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child.
When KenLea was just three weeks old our little family had a tramatic event. Braidon had already left for work, so I was home by myself with KenLea. It was around 6 am and I was sleeping. I suddenly woke up and looked over at KenLea and she wasn't breathing. She was turning purple. I hurried and grabbed her, turned her face down and started smacking her back. She had chocked on puke before, and that had always worked, but nothing happened. She couldn't breath. Fluids were coming out of her nose and mouth. I stuck my finger down her throat trying to open her airway, her tongue felt swollen, her jaw was clenched, and it was really hard to get my finger in there. I pushed her tongue down as hard as I could and she was able to get a little air. She let out a cry. But as soon as I'd remove my finger she would stop breathing again. I called my Dad who lives across the street to get his truck. I then called 9-1-1. I couldn't wait for the ambulance so my dad rushed me into town. The entire time I just kept smacking her back and sticking my finger in her throat to open her airway. During the drive in, I was continually praying that she would make it to the hospital. We got to the ER and she was suctioned, pricked, x-rayed, and given an IV. She had aspirated, which caused her body to go into protection mode, which is good and bad. The airway closes off not wanting to let anything else get down into the lungs, which is why she couldn't breath. They sent us home with a machine we had to hook her up too every night, which kept track of her vitals. If anything were to happen, it would let out an alarm. I can't explain the feeling as my heart sunk that morning. I was pleading with my heavenly father for direction and to not take my sweet baby girl from me.
Im so grateful that she is now healthy as ever and such a strong little girl. I know the Holy Ghost is what prompted me to wake up that morning, because she wasn't making any noise. And on the drive to the hospital, every stop light turned green the second we got to it.
As I sit here, looking at my beautiful sleeping daughter, I can't imagine the pain of losing her, it's unbareable. The love I have for her is overwhelming. I cannot crammm enough kisses into one day.
As I read the Taylors blog my heart goes out to them. But, as that sweet mother bares her testimony it brings me back to perspective and the great love Heavenly Father has for us. She talks about how her arms feel empty and how much it hurts, but then remembers that her sweet little baby is in the loving arms of her Heavenly Father. Life here on earth is so short and just a part of our eternal journey. What a blessing it is to know that we have the opportunity to have eternal families. That if we live worthy we can go to the temple and have those blessings. Heavenly Father loves each and every one of his children and want them to return to him. I hope that at the end of my earthly journey I will be greeted by my Father in Heaven and he will wrap his arms around me and say "Well done my good and faithful daughter." I hope my children will know that I loved them. That I had a testimony. That my priorities were righteous and what they should be. I know I wont be perfect, but I'll try. I love my little family so much. And want the best for my sweet daughter. Thank you Heavenly Father for the BesT gift ever!